When my grandfather died, my dad sat my sister and me down in the living room to break the news. The moment is etched in my memory. My sister burst into tears, but I went numb. After a pause, I asked my dad if I could go to my room. There, I sat on the floor and played with my Lego. I didn’t know how to process death or grief at the time. I had no framework for it.
Our first experience with death can be deeply disorienting. Ideally, we learn to grieve and process the loss. But sometimes, we don’t, and instead, we find ourselves going through the motions in a culture that often tries to ignore death altogether.
I understand that talking about death isn’t always easy, and it’s often a topic we’d prefer to avoid. But Ecclesiastes reminds us, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.”
Julia and I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Whitney K. Pipkin, author of We Shall All Be Changed: How Facing Death with Loved Ones Transforms Us. In her book, Whitney shares her personal journey through the grief of losing her mother and how that experience reshaped her life and faith. During our conversation, we explored the discomfort that often surrounds grief, especially when others try to inject joy into our sorrow with well-meaning but misplaced words. Whitney beautifully articulated how she discovered a more nuanced form of joy—one that isn’t about forced happiness, but about finding comfort and Christ’s presence even in the midst of profound sorrow.
Experiencing grief more fully doesn’t keep you from joy; it actually allows you to experience joy more fully. It's like your container gets expanded.
Whitney K. Pipkin
This was such a meaningful conversation, though not an easy one. We hope it strengthens how you think about death, grief, and joy; and that it encourages you to hold on to the only hope that endures: Christ’s victory over death.
I want to encourage you to follow Whitney on Instagram, her Substack Tell It True, and learn more about her work at whitneykpipkin.com.
P.S. In my upcoming book, Longing for Joy, I invite people to discover how joy doesn’t whitewash our pain or attempt to sweep it away. Throughout the book, I delve into the relationship between joy, suffering, and death. Please pre-order your copy today!
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