Unraveling Into Joy

The Backstory Behind Writing Longing for Joy

When I reflect on how joyless I once was, it feels like a distant dream—almost as unreal as the joy I now experience.

A decade ago, I was confronted by my lack of joy. It wasn’t a constant issue. But it would creep into my awareness every so often. I’d try to brush it aside. I’d tell myself, It’s not as bad as it seems. I’d even say, If you still feel this way six months from now, then do something about it. But months turned into years. Nothing changed.

I don’t want to suggest I was completely unhappy or that there was no goodness in my life—that’s far from the truth. My life was going well, yet I rarely felt joyful. To put it another way, I resonated far more with the cry of Ecclesiastes—Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!—than with Paul’s call to Rejoice always! Here’s how I tell part of my story in the introduction of Longing for Joy:

I had lost the “joy of salvation” as an old king and poet of Israel puts it. But when I set out to find joy, each step felt like a misstep. The path did not make life brighter. It was like walking through bramble bushes in the dark. Unresolved issues from my past, the challenges of starting a new church, the suicide of a mentor, and unhealthy patterns of coping resulted in a depressive fog engulfing me. I was confounded and started to unravel.

“What’s normal to you isn’t normal,” said my doctor. She had just looked at my mental health questionnaire and asked a few exploratory questions. My answers indicated severe depression. Her thick Irish accent eased the blow, but severe stung. Not mild, moderate, but severe? Whatever factors were at play in my depression, my doctor insisted on immediate medical intervention. Although reluctant, I complied. Because as I made peace with the word severe, I found relief. It was like the gift of tongues, a new language. Moments before, I could not describe the hopelessness that could weigh me down, the unshakable sense that nothing matters, let alone explain why this happened without reason or cause. But now, I could speak about it, name it, call it severe.

It turns out my first steps toward joy weren’t missteps at all. Instead, the path toward joy brought me back to the ancient vocation of Adam to name the animals. A seemingly untameable joyless animal was brought before me. I named it:

Depression.

Like many who have sought joy before me, my journey began with a crisis that forced me to search for what was missing.

Mike Mason dedicated Champagne for the Soul to Joël and Daniel, two teenagers from his neighbourhood who died tragically. In the wake of this communal sorrow, Mike began a deliberate pursuit of joy. Similarly, scholar Ellen Cherry decided to research and write God and the Art of Happiness after the untimely death of her husband. In her memoir The Gravity of Joy, Angela Gorrell tells her story of studying joy while navigating the tidal wave of grief after three family members died all within a month of each other.

In my own doctoral research, nearly every joyful person I interviewed had endured significant suffering—whether through health challenges, the loss of loved ones, mental health crises, or other painful circumstances. For many of them, their interest in joy either began or intensified during these seasons of hardship.

For me, I hit a wall with my mental health. I could proceed no further without facing my depression and lack of joy head-on. But it was in this unraveling that my pursuit of joy began.

Why Did I Write Longing for Joy?

That’s the backstory of what inspired my own pursuit of joy. But why write a book about it?

From my research and experience, I know that a more joyful life is possible. It may not look the way you expect, but it is within reach. Over the past decade, my life has changed. Without a shadow of a doubt, I am more joyful now than I was before. I fumbled through the dark and stumbled into habits and attitudes that keep me closer to the threshold of joy.

What you might not know, however, is that when I finally sat down to write this book it wasn’t from the comfort of an ivory tower of joy with a soul undisturbed. After all I learned and implemented into my life, I ended up writing Longing for Joy during a difficult season of upheaval and change—a time when joylessness was sticky and depression lapped at my soul like the cold tide against bare ankles.

… but God used this season to reveal that the lessons I’ve learned about joy are real and true. They withstood the fire, so to speak. While writing, I experienced firsthand how joy can sit quietly with us in grief, how joy has a gentle touch like the Lord who will not break a bruised reed, and how joy can always surprise us and effortlessly sweep us into the presence of the God who smiles with joy.

I wrote this book in the hope of joy.

I hope people will actually feel joy as they read it (or at least the smirk of joy). More so, it is my hope for people to become all the more aware of how joy is always nearby, closer than we suspect, patiently and eagerly prepared to sneak up on us at just the right moment.

I wrote this book because I want to emphasize how the good news about Jesus is in-fact good news of great joy. I thought a lot about what I wish I had known sooner and tried to convey it. I also kept a few friends who don’t share my beliefs in mind as I wrote. Hopefully, this book will be a helpful introduction to the God who is both joy and joyful. I truly hope people will want to share my book with people who are exploring whether or not Jesus is who he claimed to be.

I wrote and dedicated this book to Julia and my daughters.

Julia has embodied the compassion and love of Jesus throughout my struggles. She truly cherishes this book—perhaps even more than I do—and I hope it reflects that her patience and strength in being married to someone who can embody the spirit of Eeyore is not in vain.

For my daughters, I want this book to be a keepsake of my heart—something they can hold dear when I’m gone (… and hopefully read while I’m still here!), filled with stories and encouragement to keep pursuing Jesus and the promise of his joy abiding in us.

I also wrote this book for myself. It’s an Ebenezer of sorts—a monument of stones I’ve gathered to mark and remember the joy God has so graciously shared with me. Jesus has been profoundly kind to me and to us all. His story of joy is worth telling and I hope I have told it well enough to stir some sense of awe and wonder over his goodness and beauty.

Launch Team Update

It takes a village to launch a book. I set a big stretch goal for my launch team: 250 people. So far, 97 people have signed up. While I haven’t hit that target yet, I’m not discouraged! This is more help than I had for my last book—and each person is a huge encouragement to me. Thank you!

I hope this article helps you understand why I persist in pestering you to help. If you’ve been meaning to join my launch team but haven’t yet, I’d be very, very, very grateful if you could do so right away. Together, we might even reach 150 people! This book truly means so much to me. You can help get it into more hands and hearts.

In one week, The Joy Refuge (aka, the launch team) kicks off. Please sign up and mark your calendar for Monday, September 30th. You can learn more and sign up here.